by Helena Demuynck, Transformation Guide for Conscious Women Leaders
We’ve all been there – finishing a big project at work and immediately brushing off the praise with thoughts like “They have no idea how close I came to messing this up.” That unpleasant tickle of self-doubt that tells us we really are just winging it and hoping not to get “found out.” It’s commonly known as imposter syndrome, and it plagues even the most capable of leaders. But what if it’s actually our perception, not our abilities, that needs adjusting? Here are some insights on reframing those feelings of being a fraud.
It’s easy to beat ourselves up for every small mistake or overlook every accomplishment large or small. But this perfectionist tendency warps our self-image. We’re often our own harshest critics, focusing solely on flaws while discounting genuine progress and skill. The truth is we’re all works in progress – and that’s okay. Recognizing our own unrealistic standards can help balance out that overly critical inner voice.
Allies, not Imposters
Feeling like a fraud says more about outdated cultural conditioning than it does about our true strengths or sense of belonging. From a young age, we are taught to seek validation from external measures of success, rather than embracing our own self-acceptance. However, it’s important to remember that our worth cannot be defined by any job title or the praise of others. It is an intrinsic quality that comes from within, rooted in our unique experiences, values, and personal growth. By reframing doubts as normal human experiences, rather than personal indictments, we can alleviate the imposter sting and cultivate a deeper sense of self-confidence and authenticity.
Frameworks, not Failures
Minor setbacks are inevitable in any journey, yet we often tend to catastrophize them, magnifying them as disastrous failures. This mindset frames us as perpetual failures-in-waiting, hindering our growth and progress. However, a more constructive approach involves viewing these inevitable bumps in the road not as personal defects, but rather as valuable opportunities to assess our current situation, adjust our frameworks through a clearer prism, adapt our strategies, and ultimately emerge stronger and more resilient. It is important to remember that there is no such thing as failure, but rather a collection of lessons and feedback that serve to make our next steps even surer and more informed. Embrace setbacks as stepping stones to growth and development, and let them propel you towards a brighter and more successful future.
The Power of Presence
When those sneaky imposter thoughts start to creep in, it’s crucial to be fully present and take back control from the insidious whispers of self-doubt. One effective way to do this is by focusing on our breath, observing passing thoughts without getting attached to them, and treating ourselves with the same compassion we would offer to a distressed friend. In these moments, we are reminded of our shared humanity and the fact that uncertainty is a universal experience.
Embracing this shared imperfect journey, we can find our place at the table and own it with confidence. By recognizing that our perceptions are not always facts and prioritizing compassion over perfectionism, we strike at the core of imposter syndrome. We belong just as much as anyone else, flaws and all.
The ultimate dream is to love and accept ourselves as completely as we love and accept others on both their good days and bad. It’s a continuous process, but by embracing this mindset, we can cultivate a sense of self-worth and overcome the imposter within us.