Being A Vulnerable Leader

No-one likes to feel vulnerable. At least I’m assuming you don’t, because I know I certainly don’t. Its meaning talks about being open to wounding or attack and that’s just not pleasant or to be sought after. We need to be more open to the idea though and think through the benefits.

What Is Vulnerability?

I don’t mean we should be like the dad play fighting with his kids inviting them to hit him, because he knows they haven’t got the capacity to hurt him. Instead I mean we should lay ourselves bare, opening ourselves up to the possibility of serious attack. Notice I only say the ‘possibility’, not the certainty. I am not advocating jumping into the lion’s den, literally or figuratively. I have no desire to see any of us be mauled. Don’t actively court a beating; think Top Gear in times past, goading people in countries they drove through.

Instead what I am talking about is more linked to authenticity; allowing people to see you warts and all. You’re not just displaying the negatives, but the strengths as well. You live life without permanent masks so others get to deal with the real you. No-one likes or follows a leader who claims to be infallible, who is either so self-unaware or blinkered and blind that they try to convince you against your better judgement, and the observable hard facts. On the flip side, we’re not inspired by an apologetic leader who is always pointing to their flaws. Look at JD O’Brien, the Apprentice Series 12 candidate who admittedly made some mistakes in the task he led, but then proceeded to hold his hands up to any and every contributing factor to their failure.

We want to be led by someone who knows themselves well, plays to their strengths, works on their weaknesses and is open about it all. Likewise, if we want to lead anyone (ourselves, colleagues, family, organisation, nation), we must be willing to reveal the real ‘me’, and in all cases that person is flawed and makes mistakes.

The Downside

To reveal our true selves, at some stage we will feel vulnerable. To admit that we have flaws opens up the chance that an opportunist will see a weak point and exploit it to their own gain, beating us or simply succeeding before us. We might lose money, get injured (physically or emotionally), we might die.

Yes, that’s a little extreme – I exaggerate for deliberate effect. Generally people around us are not as evil as we think, despite what the more extreme media and politicians would have us believe. I agree that it is possible that we lose our shirt, however I would argue that this is the exception. More often than not we reap the rewards of our openness.

Benefits

For those of you who continue to only look for the bad you might want to retreat now. For the rest of us, let’s look at the benefits.

True Strength

I agree with Simon Sinek when he says that true strength is the courage to admit weakness. Being flawed is real and real is more inspiring than universally brilliant. I have been very impressed with the Channel 4 series SAS:Who Dares Wins, for the insights it gives into what makes a person strong – catch it on 4OD if you live in the UK. There are men recognising and accepting who they truly are and becoming more open to talk about it.

Being Real

We will follow a leader who is better than us, but are less motivated by someone who is too good to be true. We want mental and emotional strength from our leaders, and implicitly from ourselves when we lead, and we recognise this shining out of people when they are strong enough to say ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I was wrong’ and sound sincere. It has much less effect simply saying it when you get caught out, as if you’re trying to cover yourself in the way politicians often seem to.

Who Are You?

Vulnerable is more authentic and people can interact with the real you instead of a masked alternative. As a team member it makes you easier to deal with because no-one needs to worry about who you are and how you will react. The more open we are with each other the slicker the wheels of the team turn and the more people will want to cover your back and work together with you. The unknown is always scary, so the more we know and understand each other the easier team life becomes. Patrick Lencioni references this when he states that the first dysfunction of a team comes from people who want a sense of invulnerability which leads to an absence of trust.

Trust

Being vulnerable says I trust you and we all want to be trusted. And generally people will become more trustworthy as they try to live up the faith that you have placed in them. Although they have the chance to take advantage of you and work to your detriment, they choose not to and instead go the other way and look to support and help you. As Steven Covey Jr says, trust speeds things up and reduces costs and if the price to pay for that is allowing yourself to be vulnerable with the small chance it might backfire then it’s an opportunity to grab with both hands.

Mistakes

‘Vulnerable’ models making mistakes and learning from them. Amy Edmondson talks about failing better to succeed faster. We need to make mistakes in order to learn and progress. If we seek to be perfect and avoid mistakes, or cover them up when they happen (we all make some, let’s be honest) then we learn less or nothing from them and no growth takes place. Instead we feel shame and lose confidence, particularly if we come from a fixed mindset anyway. Instead, honesty around mistakes is good for us, but also for our team – if others know that it is okay to admit failings then they bring them out in the open more and greater learning can take effect. It’s not a lowering of standards but a raising of learning opportunities. I was very impressed again with Gregor Townsend who coached the Glasgow Warriors to a loss against Munster just after Anthony Foley died. He recognised that the mental preparation was lacking for the players in the week prior to the game and he was willing to hold his hand up to admit fault for that. It’s not a surprise though, as he has constantly shown himself as someone who wants to learn and grow at every opportunity; being honest about his mistakes and not making them again is just one facet of this.

Conclusion

There are benefits to being authentic and, by extension, vulnerable. We become easier to work with and work for, and our reality allows us to drop the masks and be ourselves, reducing our stress levels. There is a risk involved but the rewards are worth it.

About

Nick Smith is an Outdoor Life Coach and Trainer. Within his company, Square Pegs Coaching, he uses outdoor experiences to help people develop themselves. By walking and talking together, people discover how they can take further steps in their journey of life. Although working mainly in Glasgow and the West of Scotland where he is based, Nick also travels around the UK – if you want to be coached by him then get in touch through his website at http://www.squarepegscoaching.com. There is more information there to help you understand the concepts of outdoor life coaching, background on Nick and the opportunity to book coaching when you are ready. The articles Nick writes appear first in his regular newsletter – to sign up to receive new articles and other offers, go to http://eepurl.com/fXEm. He also posts other thoughts and challenges on his blog on the website.